


Cuddling

by Lyndis



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Cuddling, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28046877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyndis/pseuds/Lyndis
Summary: Neil has a bad day and wants to cuddle of all things. Of course he knows Andrew wouldn't be down for that, so he tries to ignore the urge.Andrew of course senses that something is wrong and takes care of it.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 17
Kudos: 294





	Cuddling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rory_writes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rory_writes/gifts).



> This work is again dedicated to Rory. We talk a lot and this time it got me in a really cuddly mood.  
> It was a bit hard to determine in which situation Neil wanted to cuddle and then this happened.
> 
> Enjoy!

He wanted to cuddle.

The thought just hit him.

He wanted to cuddle. Preferably all day. He wanted to cling to Andrew like a fucking coala and never let go.

But that wasn’t their dynamic. They weren’t cuddly and Andrew probably couldn’t stand it for more than a few minutes.

It was just… Neil felt vulnerable today. He had dreamed of one of his earliest childhood memories and it seemed to have woken up some childish instincts. Like wanting to be cared for by his parents. Wanting to be loved and petted and hugged and… wanting to be saved from this cruel cruel world by hiding in a mother’s embrace.

It was dumb, really. They both knew this wasn’t possible, they both knew it wouldn’t change anything. His past wouldn’t go away if he cuddled Andrew. It wouldn’t make anything easier or more bearable but… he wanted it so bad today.

“What?”, Andrew asked, after Neil had moved restlessly through the dorm room for the umptenth time.

“Nothing. I’m fine”, Neil answered, because it was true. Nothing was wrong or up or anything. He just couldn’t sit still. 

“ _ Neil” _ , Andrew warned and today his sharp voice cut through Neil like a sharp knife through flesh. It hurt and he flinched. He  _ flinched _ , from Andrew of all people! What was wrong with him?

He glanced at his boyfriend and was relieved when he didn’t find any sign of hurt in his eyes. The concerned gaze though made him look away again.

Suddenly Andrew was right in front of him and Neil felt unbearably small.

“Yes or no?”

His first instinct is to say ‘yes’ like always, but he hesitates. Is Andrew about to kiss him? That thought feels wrong today. It feels foreign.

“To what?”, he asks instead not able to look Andrew in the eyes.

“I want to touch your cheek and make you look at me, yes or no?”

“Okay… yes.”

Andrew’s gaze is intense but his demeanor seems softer than usual. His face is still as blank as ever but the ferocity in his eyes is gone. He seems… cautious.

“What’s wrong?” The voice is neutral and bare of any pressure.  _ You don’t have to tell me. You don’t have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. I just can’t help if you don’t tell me what you need. _

Neil hears all of this behind the two words or maybe he is projecting. Maybe he just wants Andrew to say that, maybe Neil just craves too much for softness right now.

“I feel… odd”, he finally admits and wants to hide immediately. It feels like he isn’t allowed to be this vulnerable, this childish. It feels like Andrew will hurt him if he doesn’t stop, though he knew very well that Andrew wouldn’t. But rational thought wasn’t in stock today.

“Small…”, he continues. “vulnerable. Anxious. Like when I was four and I came crying to my mother because my favorite toy was gone but instead of comforting me she slapped me the first time and told me being to loud over something so stupid. But it wasn’t stupid. I was so sad and I just wanted her to hold me.”

Neil blinked back to reality a few seconds after finishing his explanation and when he realised what he had said, he felt heat rising up his cheeks. He blushed.

“Sorry. Of course it was stupid. There were so much horrifying things going on and it was just a stupid toy. I should have known better.” He wasn’t sure who’s words he spoke, they certainly weren’t his, but he couldn’t say anything else. Were they his mother’s words? His father’s? The words he thought Andrew wanted to hear? Maybe they were Nathaniel’s who still thought that every weakness would be his sure death.

“I want to take you to the couch, sit down with you, your legs over my lap and your head on my shoulder. Yes or no?”

“Andrew… you don’t have to…”

“Yes or no, Neil?”

“Yes”, he breathed, warmth filling him for the first time today.

They sat down and Andrew let him cuddle him. This day, Andrew asked for everything they did this day. If it was okay to run his fingers through his hair, if they wanted to watch a movie, if a blanket was okay. It reassured Neil, made him feel steady again. Here, no one would do anything that hurt him. He wasn’t a child anymore. Wasn’t at the mercy of adults anymore. He was safe and he could say no.

“I really liked that toy”, Neil mumbled, when the sun started to set. He pressed his face into Andrew’s shoulder. “It was a little airplane. I imagined it growing big and taking me away. When it was gone it was like losing all hope.”

After a full day of body contact, Neil wasn’t surprised to wake up alone the next morning. But his heart filled up with love when he found a tiny airplane sitting next to him on his pillow.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated <3


End file.
